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French Friendship 法国人的友谊

作者: 佚名 来源:本站原创 时间:2008-4-18 15:48:03

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    在法国,像在许多其他欧洲国家一样,朋友一般是同性别的,人们认为友谊基本上是建立在男人之间的一种关系。法国女性虽然对“女性相互之间不可能成为朋友”这一说法嗤之以鼻,但她们有时也承认,对女性而言,“那是另一回事”。许多法国人对男女之间产生友谊的可能性持怀疑态度。还有一种群体内的人际关系——男男女女在一起工作很长时间了,他们之间关系可能会很亲密,彼此信任,感情融洽。他们可能彼此互称“好朋友”。但在法国人眼中,这不是友谊,尽管这种群体中的两个成员完全有可能成为朋友。

    在法国人看来,友谊是一对一的关系,要求彼此非常了解对方的才智、性情以及特殊的爱好。朋友是能使你发挥出自己最优秀品质的人;无论友谊源于哪个方面,朋友都会使你在那一方面变得更加出色。你的政治见解会得到深化,你的戏剧欣赏力会更敏锐,你对美食、美酒的品味会更尽兴,你的运动愉悦感会增强。

    法国人的友谊有好几类。一个男人可能和一个朋友下棋下了30年,但却不知道他的政治观点;或者他可能和朋友谈政治谈了30年,而对朋友的个人生活却一无所知。不同的朋友在每个人的生活中起不同的作用。这样的友谊不介入家庭生活。人们不会要求一个朋友在晚上花时间的替自己好好照看孩子或殷勤照顾失聪的老奶奶。这些责任主要是亲属们应尽的。作为朋友,男人们在咖啡馆里见面;知识分子阶层的朋友晚上在大型聚会上见面交谈;劳动阶层的朋友在小酒馆里见面,边喝酒,边聊天,远远地避开家人。这种友谊不受婚姻影响,也不必考虑到妻子们。

    过去,在法国,这种交谊活动很少接纳女性,除非是知识女性。多数女性的生活都是以家庭为中心,她们与其他女性的亲密关系通常要追溯到少女时代。

  In France, as in many European countries, friends are generally of the same sex, and friendship is seen as basically a relationship between men. French women laugh at the idea that “women can’t be friends,” but they also admit sometimes that for women, “it is a different thing.” And many French people doubt the possibility of a friendship between a man and a woman. There is also the kind of relationship within a group-men and women who have worked together for a long time, who may be very close, sharing great loyalty and warmth of feeling. They may call on another “pals” or “buddies”. In French eyes, this is not friendship, although two members of such a group may well be friends.

  For the French, friendship is one-to-one relationship that demands a keen awareness of the other person’s intellect, temperament, and particular interests. A friend is someone who draws out your own best qualities and makes you become more of whatever the friendship draws upon. Your political philosophy assumes more depth, appreciation of a play becomes sharper, taste in food or wine is enhanced, enjoyment of a sport is intensified.

  And French friendships are divided into categories. A man may play chess with a friend for thirty years without knowing his political opinion, or he may talk politics with him for as long a time without knowing about his personal life. Different friends fill different niches in each person’s life. These friendships are not made part of family life. A friend is not expected to spend evenings being nice to children or courteous to a deaf grandmother. These duties, are primarily for relatives. Men who are friends may meet in a cafe. Intellectual friends may meet in larger groups for evenings of conversation. Working people may meet at the little bistro where they drink and talk, far from the family. Marriage does not affect such friendships; wives do not have to be taken into account.

  In the past in France, friendships of this kind seldom were open to any but intellectual women. Since most women’s lives centered on their homes, their warmest relations with other women often went back to their girlhood.

  (摘自2008年3月《英语沙龙》)

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